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Copyright 2007 www.stopdepressiontoday.com
Why Am I A Follower And Not A Leader?
Is this you?
"I'm in a meeting and want to ask a question, but I don't. And I won't ask any questions or speak up unless other people start to ask questions. I'm always looking to others for cues on how to behave in a particular situation, and I hate to be the center of attention."
"I'm in a meeting and want to ask a question, but I don't. And I won't ask any questions or speak up unless other people start to ask questions. I'm always looking to others for cues on how to behave in a particular situation, and I hate to be the center of attention."
We often look to others for cues on how we should behave.
Most of us are followers, not leaders, rarely striking out in our own
direction. Television sitcoms use "laugh tracks" for this very
reason. Will you think something is funnier if other people
are laughing? The makers of these programs bet you will.
When/if you allow your behavior to be influenced by the behavior of others, you sacrifice your own desires or needs to be accepted. Confident people are much less likely to be swayed by "popular opinion" if they feel it's not in their best interest. They know what they want and don't mind standing alone. But you don't want to stand alone. You would rather be a conformer and "part of the gang."
How Can I Change My "Following" Behavior?
Be First. The next time you are with a group of people and the opportunity arises to share information about yourself, force yourself to volunteer first. Act as if this is your last chance in the world to say something, and if you don't take advantage of this opportunity, you will never be able to utter another word for the rest of your life! In class or a meeting, raise your hand first without even thinking about it. If this scares you, try to start small: At a restaurant, order what you really want, and do it first. After all, who's going to remember what you ordered a month from now?
Get Used To Hearing The Sound Of Your Own Voice. Many people act negatively when they first hear the sound of their own voice, on an audio tape, for example. This is normal, and nothing to worry about. A good idea is to purchase a mini tape or digital recorder, and tape your voice in everyday situations. Later, listen to your voice. It will provide excellent feedback that you can use immediately ("I had no idea I said 'Umm' so much!), and will become one of your handiest, most trusted aids.
Find Pleasure In A Solitary Pursuit. Spend time by yourself doing something you enjoy, something that makes you lose track of time. It can be anything from painting or gardening, to taking a quick walk in the woods. The actual type of activity isn't important; what's important is that you use the time to reconnect with yourself.
Remember That We All Have One Life To Live. Keep this in mind the next time you're tempted to follow the beaten path. Think back to the not-so-distant past, when you were nervous or apprehensive about exams, a blind date, or job interview, for example. After all the worrying, what happened? The day came and went, just like all the others. You survived and went on to live another day. So the next time you find yourself hesitant to be your own person, remember that now, too, will soon be just another memory. It is up to you to decide what kind of memory it will be!
When/if you allow your behavior to be influenced by the behavior of others, you sacrifice your own desires or needs to be accepted. Confident people are much less likely to be swayed by "popular opinion" if they feel it's not in their best interest. They know what they want and don't mind standing alone. But you don't want to stand alone. You would rather be a conformer and "part of the gang."
How Can I Change My "Following" Behavior?
Be First. The next time you are with a group of people and the opportunity arises to share information about yourself, force yourself to volunteer first. Act as if this is your last chance in the world to say something, and if you don't take advantage of this opportunity, you will never be able to utter another word for the rest of your life! In class or a meeting, raise your hand first without even thinking about it. If this scares you, try to start small: At a restaurant, order what you really want, and do it first. After all, who's going to remember what you ordered a month from now?
Get Used To Hearing The Sound Of Your Own Voice. Many people act negatively when they first hear the sound of their own voice, on an audio tape, for example. This is normal, and nothing to worry about. A good idea is to purchase a mini tape or digital recorder, and tape your voice in everyday situations. Later, listen to your voice. It will provide excellent feedback that you can use immediately ("I had no idea I said 'Umm' so much!), and will become one of your handiest, most trusted aids.
Find Pleasure In A Solitary Pursuit. Spend time by yourself doing something you enjoy, something that makes you lose track of time. It can be anything from painting or gardening, to taking a quick walk in the woods. The actual type of activity isn't important; what's important is that you use the time to reconnect with yourself.
Remember That We All Have One Life To Live. Keep this in mind the next time you're tempted to follow the beaten path. Think back to the not-so-distant past, when you were nervous or apprehensive about exams, a blind date, or job interview, for example. After all the worrying, what happened? The day came and went, just like all the others. You survived and went on to live another day. So the next time you find yourself hesitant to be your own person, remember that now, too, will soon be just another memory. It is up to you to decide what kind of memory it will be!